Before I begin, being “cheap” and being “frugal” are too different things. Frugal folks, though they tend to be just as annoying in some cases, consider the “value” of items when purchasing. Cheap people are just a pain in the ass, but I have cheap friends and I love them anyway. Here goes!

1. When the check comes at dinner, yelling out “I only had….” and proceeding to list the water and whatever appetizer you ordered.

2. Coming to a social gathering, contributing a bottle of alcohol to the night’s festivities, then when the night is over, taking it back home with you.

3.Inviting friends to go shopping and spending the entire time in the sale section of every store

4. Or commenting that everything is too expensive

5. Or commenting that you “would never spend that much on” whatever it is that your friend is about to purchase

6. Driving on E while convincing the passengers that “I know my car”

7. Inviting people over during the summer and refusing to put the AC on when you can “Just open the window” Note: If it’s hot outside, then the air you are letting in will be, you guessed it? Hot too!

8. Which brings me to driving with the windows down to preserve gas. Friendly Tip: The AC takes up more gas than driving with the windows down thing is FALSE. When you drive with the windows down, the air getting into the car slows it down so you have to exert more pressure on the gas to go faster resulting in you eating up about the same amount of gas as if you would have driven with the AC.

9. Never offering to put in for gas, tolls, pay to park, etc.

10. Never doing any of the things above, but always needing a ride

11. Go to cookouts all of the time, but never bring anything

12. When you’re out with friends and expenses come up, likecab fare, using the excuse “I would, but I don’t have any more cash on me”

13. At dinner, talking about how horrible the service is so it will come to no one’s surprise when you don’t tip

14. Or low balling the tip

15. Or using someone else’s tip to make up for your lack of tip

16. Bringing full course meals into the movie theater and making tons of noise trying to get it out of your bag, unwrap up, move it around and everything else to call attention to your grocery bag full of food

17. Continuously saying you’re “so hungry”  so that someone will offer to buy you food

18. Standing in the grocery line FOR EVER because you’re in a stare down with the cashier who won’t honor your coupon

19. Just couponing in general!

Confession: I’m actually kind of interested in trying this, but there should be a separate line where couponers can wait in line for hours together as not to disrupt the rest of the universe.

20. Purchasing fake designer items because you “simply can’t justify spending that much on a handbag”

21. Critiquing those who actually did “spend that much on a handbag”

22. Going out and continuously asking “is this on sale?”

23. Always asking for someone’s Netflix or Hulu Plus login

25. Conveniently being “busy” whenever invited to a birthday outing to avoid having to buy a gift

Moral of the story? DO better!